My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
