Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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