Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
