I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
