Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
