last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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