please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
