I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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