with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
