well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
