three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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