She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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