Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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