the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
this boner is exhausting
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
