It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
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