Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.