Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
