I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Randomize
