is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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