Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
