It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
