Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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