I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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