Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
