Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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