Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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