rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
