I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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