im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
