oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Found the puke drawer
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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