the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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