There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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