I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He shit in the fireplace
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
