The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
