the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
