What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
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Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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