I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You made out with two different species that night
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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