DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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