C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
