you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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