are you still at the devil's house?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
