My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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