Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
