Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Farmville is her only friend.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
