Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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