i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
