his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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