I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize