See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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