He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
