When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
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