Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You need Xanax blowdarts
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
