32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Vodka?
Forever.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
