I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
