I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Holy shit dude........stairs
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
