i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
