Moan for me like Helen Keller
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
