Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize