my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
