I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
