I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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