I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
