I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
