It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
