Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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