he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
