at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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