Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
