i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
