Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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