She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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