I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
