theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he fucked my hip out of place.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
