I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
