we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
